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Today I become a home geek,

Just stay in room and do my assignment...

I use whole day to do my assignment but only complete 30% of it...

No efficiently and effectively...

Today I aslo chatted with my bio teacher by msn...

Long time not contact with each other...

She said that i very enjoy with my university life

(Yes, I totally enjoy it)

She saw it from my facebook(too active in facebook-.-)

She also said that i became more mature, am I?

Perhaps what she said is true,

I really become more mature...

I just realized when life start become complicate,

that is the time we begin to grow up...

University life really complicate,

Many problems always appear around me 

and I have to solve these independently...

Especially these few weeks,

My emotion start become more complicate,

I aslo dont know why...

Is it because I'm stress with mid-term exam?

No exactly...

Is it because of tender passion?

I admit got a little bit lo...

Why so many question I like to ask in my mind?

Why I like to think too much that doesnt appear in reality? 

Why dont I just think too much in my acedemic,

it is more helpful to me...

Why I dont try to prove that what I think is real or not?

Why I afraid to face the reality?

Is it reality very cruel until I rather to think passive let myself down without proving it is true or not...

 

Why human being is such a complicate animal?

Why we cant just like other animals?

Just a simple life,

No need to think too much,

Just do what they thinking for,

Just live what life they want for...

What I really want?

Yesterday I just got my first exam in USM(Mid-term Intro To Managemnet)

After exam i just relax because no class every monday

Sometimes I just thought that I cant stop busy or try to relax

When I relax and take a rest, I begin become lazy again

This whole week I have to study for other subjects because got three exam again(-.-), 

have to rush completing my assignment( Financial Accounting),

have to pass up next week before raya...

What make my mood become worse is not exam or assignment or a pile undone tutorial...

Just a call from my mum....

Why? I also dont know

Yesterday my mum suddenly talking about my birthday( still a long time, Oct)

Ok...My 21 years old birthday(based on chinese calender) 

My mum wishes to buy me a gold necklace...

But this is not i want...

I just wish to save money to buy what i want( my idea camera or hp)

So, I hope that my mum can just transfer some money into my account

But

I think my mum want something special to my 21 years old birthady

Just like my elder sister

Everyone can get a gold necklace during 21th birthday

What my mum say is gold necklace more costly in the future

so,

you should have one now...

but,

I think I not need it...

I just think I can use the money buy something else...

If I try to say it out,

Firstly, my mum will bend her brows and then must ask why

She just think why I want to buy all these things

Just like last times I bought the camera,

I have to wait the right time to tell them,

And they got some "idea" at the beginning

They ask why there is a camera at home you not use it but have to buy one

It is because I want to own one. Just for me...

Anyway I know that what my mum do is good for me...

I just try to ask myself:

Why dont u just tell them or ask yourself what you want?

You can just be a little bit selfish to yourself and just think about yourself. Just one moment.

Is it so hard to tell them what you want or you just care about them but forget how is your feeling now? 

When someone ask you at you want? You can always shake your head and say: No idea,you all decide lo. 

Are you really dont care? Really?Is that what you want?

What I said is not just this times

But sometimes I also like that...

Cant tell others what I really want...

Perhaps that time I think that most important is everyone happy...

But sometime I never think about my feeling...

I dont want to trouble people...

The Professor's Lesson

When a professor served coffee to his former students who complained to him of stress in their working lives, he brought out an assortment of cups- porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, others exquisite.

After the students selected a cup of coffee the professor said, "All the nice looking cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain ones.I can assure you that the cup itself add no quality to the coffee. What you wanted was coffee, not the cup. But you consciously went for the best cup and began eyeing each other's cup. While it is normal to want only the best for yourselves, but that is the source for your problems and stress. Sometimes by concerntrating only on the things like the cup, we fail to enjoy the goodness God has provided for us."

The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

Today is my first day i joined AIESEC...
As a newbie of  project management, i have to know more about AIESEC...
In departmental meeting, i meet all my team members...
All nice~

During general training 1,
got many fun there...
What i realized today is,
I still not confidence to myself,
When see people better than me,
I begin look down myself...

Still cant find my strength,
but weekness got many...
I know that i dont have leadership,
but i will work harder, become different from now...

Still thinking passive...
But I will try to keep my mind out from darkness,
Just now I worry that when all people become a leader,
I still a zero person..
haha... Dont know why i thought like that...

Still cant make friend myself...
I always passive...
Want people to close with me but not i close with people...
Really not talkative,
Just worry that people dont want to make friend with me...(passive think again)

I have to begin adapt myself to this family(AIESEC)
Seriously, i really lack to talk in a team...
Dont know why...
I will automatically keep silent...

Just now during departmental meeting, nicholas ask what special interesting about me that can make others remmenber me...
I ask myself for a long time still cant get the answer...
Perhaps i really nothing special...

I know this is the time to change myself to become more better...
Just like what nicholas said..
I have to step up...
I know... I know..
Just give me some time...
I have to take time to improve myself...

What I realized?
I begin like AIESEC~❤

Am I thinking too much??

One week almost pass already,
Time pass so fast, is end of week,
Many things happened in this week...

2th August
I hate myself...
I hate myself why i've so many weaknesses
Cried silently but let my friend saw me cried,
I hate myself that let my friend saw the tears on my face,
Tried to come down,
Fortunately chinese society welcome juniors events made me peace and forgot all the unhappy things..

3th August
I went to second interview for becoming committee of accounting society...
I dont know why i suddenly received the message that i got the second interview...
Sometimes i thought they just sympathy with me and let me git the interview..
Or May be...
Perhaps...
I really have the potential to get the interview...
But i really really appreciate it...
I will try to work very hard if i get it...


This week is usm convo week,
no class just hang out with friends and did survey for assignment of intro to management...
Sometimes felt myself very useless...
Just tried to do survey, only four survey forms also want people help me...
Sometimes felt myself is transparent...
No one care about you...
When i walk with a gang, i felt i'm the extra one...