What I really want?

Yesterday I just got my first exam in USM(Mid-term Intro To Managemnet)

After exam i just relax because no class every monday

Sometimes I just thought that I cant stop busy or try to relax

When I relax and take a rest, I begin become lazy again

This whole week I have to study for other subjects because got three exam again(-.-), 

have to rush completing my assignment( Financial Accounting),

have to pass up next week before raya...

What make my mood become worse is not exam or assignment or a pile undone tutorial...

Just a call from my mum....

Why? I also dont know

Yesterday my mum suddenly talking about my birthday( still a long time, Oct)

Ok...My 21 years old birthday(based on chinese calender) 

My mum wishes to buy me a gold necklace...

But this is not i want...

I just wish to save money to buy what i want( my idea camera or hp)

So, I hope that my mum can just transfer some money into my account

But

I think my mum want something special to my 21 years old birthady

Just like my elder sister

Everyone can get a gold necklace during 21th birthday

What my mum say is gold necklace more costly in the future

so,

you should have one now...

but,

I think I not need it...

I just think I can use the money buy something else...

If I try to say it out,

Firstly, my mum will bend her brows and then must ask why

She just think why I want to buy all these things

Just like last times I bought the camera,

I have to wait the right time to tell them,

And they got some "idea" at the beginning

They ask why there is a camera at home you not use it but have to buy one

It is because I want to own one. Just for me...

Anyway I know that what my mum do is good for me...

I just try to ask myself:

Why dont u just tell them or ask yourself what you want?

You can just be a little bit selfish to yourself and just think about yourself. Just one moment.

Is it so hard to tell them what you want or you just care about them but forget how is your feeling now? 

When someone ask you at you want? You can always shake your head and say: No idea,you all decide lo. 

Are you really dont care? Really?Is that what you want?

What I said is not just this times

But sometimes I also like that...

Cant tell others what I really want...

Perhaps that time I think that most important is everyone happy...

But sometime I never think about my feeling...

I dont want to trouble people...