What I am thinking now

Dont know why I start emotional again...

I just think that time is very cruel... 

It make me have to face reality that i dont want to face...

Holidays is a trap make me to keep dreaming... after holidays, I have no choice and have to wake up... 

I dont know am i try to escapism or lie myself... 

No matter how i try hard to keep dreaming, reality still exist...

University life really not as fun as I expect..

Before I got into uni,

people always say uni is fun and enjoyable..

It just a positive side..

For me, it really not fun..

I miss my highschool life..

That time my result really just not so good and not so bad...

I never thought about time

I just got a simple life there..

I like math, I always want to be the highest marks in class

Although I felt bio is boring,

I still willing to read it and put time on it...

Then,

Matriculation at labuan

I still study..

I still do my tutorial

I still listen in lecture...

But that time I start put the result(pointer) as the most important purpose why i want to study...

Great 4.00

But it really not the actual standard i can get

It just a "lie"

to make my parent feel relieved...

I told my friend i become lazy,

they just ask lazy now then later can get good result??

I dont know when I start become lazy,

After matriculation,USM

Orientation week... haha

A honeymoon,

just a calm before the storm...

Then reality start appear in my life...

I dont know why i lazy,

I dont pay attention in lecture

I dont do tutorial

I dont study...

My passion to math is gone,

only become one of the subjects that i hate..

I got into uni not because I like study

I want to get a result that can make sure that i can graduate...

I want graduate in uni just because i want to have a better future...

Am i start giving up?

What I really want?

From a simple life become so complicate...

Is it because i start thinking too much

or this is what the reality is...

People want me stop thinking like that

It is not worse as what I am thinking now..

But I just feel that stop thinking just a excuse that making myself to face the cruel reality...

the way i try to escape from reality

Why is the reality make human grow up?

Can i choose not growing up?

Why dont i just have the simple life

Just like my childhood...

Go to school with fun...

I cant choose..

I dont have any choice ...

World is not a playground anymore...

Everyone have to grow up and face how the reality are..

This is the only way I have to pass...

Is it more better if i'm a robot

Just set a target...

study..

Then i can stop thinking others useless thing like what i'm thinking now...

My mind cant stop thinking

So many things stick in my mind...

I dont know how i can make it simple

Because the reality is not simple......